Franchise Review- The Karate Kid

June 26, 2014, 8:48 am

≫ Next: A Tribute- Marlon Brando 1924-2004

This week marks the 30th anniversary of the crane kick and the movie that made Ralph Macchio a superstar(temporarily). I may be aging myself when I admit that I can recall the KK phenomenon that broke out in the mid-'80s, but so be it. Daniel LaRusso and Mr. Miyagi were one of the decade's best duos in a decade that was full of them(Marty and Doc, Riggs and Murtaugh, Neal Page and Del Griffith, Indy and his dad). They deserve some love for enhancing the childhood of an entire generation.

Most if not all of us have experienced schoolyard bullying at some point in our lives. I was actually terrified at the prospect of entering high school because I thought it would be overrun by blonde karate bullies. While my experiences weren't quite as traumatic as Daniel-san's, I definitely could have benefitted from the supreme guidance of a kindly, old Asian martial arts master during those tough teen years. That sort of thing just doesn't happen in the real world, but that's the magic of cinema. We got to live vicariously through the exploits of a scrawny kid from New Jersey as he tears through the All-Valley tournament with very limited, unconventional training after entering an equally improbable relationship with Elizabeth Shue. We didn't think twice about following him to Okinawa and were grateful when he put his college plans on hold to work in a bonsai store and take care of the resurgent Cobra-Kai dojo's nasty new ownership. Not even Hilary Swank and Will Smith's offspring could soil the legacy. Here's the complete history of an iconic crowd-pleaser.

"The Karate Kid"(1984)
Robert Mark Kamen was the creative voice behind this unlikely saga and his relatable script was the definite high point of a notable screenwriting career, while "Rocky" director John G Avildsen recognized the underdog formula he helped establish in that iconic 1976 Sylvester Stallone flick could easily be applied to martial arts and the hellish world of high school. Daniel LaRusso was rather unpopular in his new California surroundings and Ralph Macchio is very likable as our put-upon teen hero. His other half Mr. Miyagi is really one of the great characters of 1980s cinema and the warmth and quiet charm that former "Happy Days" cast member Pat Morita brought to this pivotal role earned him a Best Supporting Actor nomination. The chemistry that was displayed in their scenes together is something that just can't be planned or predicted and it lifted the film into that special realm that gets a blog written about it thirty years later. Phrases like "Wax-on, wax-off" as well as Cobra-Kai favorites like "Sweep the leg" and "Get him a body bag!" remain well known to this day. There wasn't any viewer, young or old, that didn't enjoy seeing William Zabka get humbled with that earth-shattering face kick in front of his sinister sensei Kreese(Martin Kove). Karate school attendance skyrocketed the moment Macchio walked out of that tournament with a trophy and Elizabeth Shue in tow and Hollywood had a new franchise on it's hands.

"The Karate Kid Part II"(1986)
This is the point in time when sequels to successful films were quickly becoming the norm and in the case of the red-hot Macchio-Morita tandem, follow-up plans were put in motion before they'd even completed their $91 million domestic box office run in the summer of '84. Fortunately, John Avildsen chose to direct both sequels and it's always nice to have that feeling of continuity. A trip to Okinawa presents a fresh romance and some bitter foes from Miyagi's past that take an instant disliking to Daniel-san. What is it about this kid that draws the ire of borderline psychopathic tormenters on both sides of the globe? This second chapter boasts an Oscar-nominated love song("The Glory Of Love") and the most brutal fight in the series. It's all harmless enough, but we were clearly moving away from the more grounded nature of the original premise. None of this mattered much to Reagan era youths. "Part II" made even more money than the first film and KK mania had reached it's absolute height. An animated series was produced for god's sake. There was nowhere to go but down.

"The Karate Kid Part III"(1989)
The inevitable third installment was given an unfortunate summer release one week after the juggernaut known as Tim Burton's "Batman", virtually eliminating any chance it had of matching the box office take of the first two. But the entertainment value in this guilty pleasure is just off the charts. I think this movie was on cable every single day in the early '90s and the main reason why is pictured above. I'm talking about the pony-tailed, scenery-devouring, malevolent force of nature known as Thomas Ian Griffith's Terry Silver. The REAL founder of the Cobra Kai dojo just may be the Devil himself. If Miyagi is Yoda and Kreese is Darth Vader, then that must make Silver the Evil Emperor. This guy takes a break from dumping nuclear waste to personally oversee the destruction of a teenager at the hands and feet of 'karate's bad boy' Mike Barnes(Sean Kanan). He lives in an ominous castle, laughs maniacally whenever his sick plans come together, and has no identifiable human traits or characteristics. He hires the crew that will terrorize Daniel while sitting in a hot tub, chomping on a cigar Tony Montana-style. If Avildsen and Kamen were trying to raise the bar for over-the-top villainy, they certainly succeeded. Every film is a product of it's time and I really believe that "KKIII" is above normal criticism. The '80s were drawing to a close and it was the last year that a story like this would be acceptable. The final moments achieve a surprising emotional heft as a triumphant Macchio embraces Morita after the obligatory tournament climax, it truly was the end of an era in more ways than one.

"The Next Karate Kid"(1994)
Every winning formula eventually runs it's course and Hollywood suits are often the last ones to realize when an idea or concept has passed it's expiration date. Here we have an example of a reboot long before the term was popularized, but did Tinsel-town execs really think that audiences would turn out for Pat Morita dispensing his old fortune cookie wisdom to a temperamental teenage girl? Not in the year that "Pulp Fiction" came out. Hilary Swank sure didn't look like a future two-time Academy Award winner when she replaced Ralph Macchio as Julie-san in this desperate attempt to squeeze a few more bucks out of the KK brand name. The result is about as much fun as a kick in the nuts. Unsurprisingly, director Christopher Cain("Young Guns") was never allowed to helm another worthwhile project for his decision to film Buddhist monks dancing to The Cranberries in one jarringly lame sequence. Tepid ticket sales reflected the public's disinterest and the once-flourishing franchise was seemingly laid to rest.

"The Karate Kid"(2010)
Or so we thought. It would be easy for a remake-resistant loyalist like myself to bash this 21st century re-working of a classic tale. But in fairness, it's really not terrible. Will Smith used his sizeable clout to put a few slight tweaks on the beloved 1980s property and turn it into a launching pad for eleven year old son Jaden. This blog might be the only positive reinforcement the young Smith has received since the appallingly nepotistic "After Earth" debacle, but he was actually quite winning as a bullied American outcast in Beijing while Jackie Chan is a natural fit in the mentor role of Mr. Han. The $358 million worldwide box office total is a testament to the timelessness of the story that Robert Mark Kamen came up with nearly three decades earlier. A sequel could still materialize for Jaden and Jackie. Will the masses show up again? You're guess is as good as mine, but as long as there's a kid in this world getting pushed around, the "Kid" will have some kick.

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A Tribute- Marlon Brando 1924-2004

July 11, 2014, 6:58 am

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I wasn't writing a blog in July 2004 when 'the greatest actor of all time', Marlon Brando died of respiratory failure at age 80. We just passed the ten year anniversary of his death which seems like the perfect time to reflect on the legacy of this 20th Century screen titan. Now everyone knows the name Marlon Brando(or at least I hope), but how many youngsters out there know ABOUT Marlon Brando? Wait, wasn't he in "The Godfather"? Sadly, I think that's the extent of the knowledge of most of the under-thirty set. Well, that's why I write this blog. The history of film acting can basically be broken up into two categories- before Brando and after Brando. Do me a favor and watch a movie made before 1950. I mean, ANY movie. Then watch Brando in "A Streetcar Named Desire". With all due respect to Humphrey Bogart and Cary Grant, there IS a difference. The bar had been raised significantly. The public learned that acting is more than just saying lines in a fancy suit with perfect elocution. Moviegoers had never been exposed to that level of raw power, passion, and realism before. It was a watershed moment in pop culture and the obliteration of the overly polished leading man that audiences had previously become accustomed to. The list of actors that Brando inspired is endless. I'm talking about James Dean and Johnny Depp and everyone in between. He brought method acting to the forefront. He's the reason you're wearing that tight, white t-shirt. But like many towering talents that achieve huge fame, there was a downside. Brando bucked at the adulation and became increasingly disenchanted with his profession. He didn't work for years at a time. His weight famously ballooned. It may have been a form of rebellion against industry expectations and his own discomforting sex symbol status. Political and social activism seemed to take precedence over his Hollywood obligations and an aging Brando made little effort to hide the fact that he was only interested in roles that came with significant financial gain. Tragedy struck his family and he slid even further into recluse. These are merely the cliff notes. I hope you'll join me now for a further look back into the life and times of an endlessly fascinating individual.

Born in Omaha, Nebraska in 1924, Brando's formative years were less than idyllic. An alcoholic mother and a stern, unloving father would often separate and relocate as they sought work in Chicago, Illinois and Southern California. His older sister was the first in the family to pursue acting, appearing in Broadway plays and later film and television. An 18 year old Brando followed her to New York City in 1943 after a high school football knee injury barred entry into the military. He instantly felt accepted in the theater community and fell under the tutelage of renowned acting coaches Stella Adler and Lee Strasberg. His penchant for mimicking other students, commitment to realism, and unique insights made him the standout among the group of young Broadway hopefuls. After a run of summer stock shows on Long Island, Brando first achieved major notice for the 1947 stage version of "A Streetcar Named Desire". This is where he made crucial contact with future friend and mentor, director Elia Kazan. After turning more heads as a paraplegic WWII veteran in his 1950 film debut "The Men", Brando exploded unto the screen in the Kazan-directed film version of "Streetcar". Swaggering, animalistic brute Stanley Kowalski became the first in a handful of signature roles, but Brando was the only member of the main cast to be denied an Oscar despite being more strongly associated with the Tennessee Williams adaptation than Vivien Leigh, Kim Hunter, and Karl Malden.

The Academy didn't have to wait long to remedy the situation. After two more back-to-back Best Actor nominations for 1952's "Viva Zapata!" and 1953's "Julius Caesar", Brando reunited with Kazan for "On The Waterfront". His former boxer turned mumbling dockworker Terry Malloy could have been a contender, but this indelible characterization was another acting master-class that finally netted him that overdue gold statue. The film also took Best Picture for 1954 and Best Director for Kazan. That year also saw him nab the coveted role of Napoleon in the historical biography "Desiree". It might be easy to overlook "The Wild One" during this highly productive, award-worthy period, but Brando's leather-clad outlaw biker became an enduring symbol of rebellious youth. A musical may not have been a natural fit for a non-singer like Brando, but the man's rock star-like popularity forced Frank Sinatra to take a backseat in 1955's "Guys and Dolls". He touched upon prejudice and interracial relationships, two subjects that would later become rather personal, in "Teahouse of The August Moon" and "Sayonara", earning a fifth Best Actor nomination for the latter. "The Young Lions" and "The Fugitive Kind" were received favorably to complete his untouchable, golden years. If Brando had shuffled off this mortal coil at any point during the Eisenhower or Kennedy administrations, he'd conceivably occupy the same level of immortality as his female counterpart Marilyn Monroe. Instead, many of his subsequent cinematic ventures proved that uneasy lies the head that wears the crown.

The 1960s were hit-and-miss as Brando largely struggled to maintain the standards of excellence that he set in the previous decade. Matching the strength of his '50s output may have been too much to ask of any performer and instead fans had to settle for a few films that were merely good and a few others that wouldn't be mentioned in any of his obituaries. He used his immeasurable clout to step behind the camera for the first and last time in the underrated 1961 Western "One Eyed Jacks", but his bankability took a serious hit when he headlined the costly, overlong 1962 failure "Mutiny On The Bounty". Brando's clashes with director were well documented in the entertainment press, creating an ornery reputation that that he would never fully shake. His politically-minded follow-up "The Ugly American" didn't fare much better in '63, but it did pick up some admirers at the dawning of the cable/home video age. "Bedtime Story" and "Morituri" were outright flops in 1964-65. He found relief in the burgeoning Western genre, putting a fresh spin on familiar tropes in "The Chase" and "Appaloosa", both released in 1966. Charlie Chaplin's swan song "A Countess From Hong Kong" and John Huston's "Reflections In A Golden Eye" in which he boldly tackled a role few others at the time would have approached- a repressed homosexual Army officer married to Elizabeth Taylor, are his only real highlights in this otherwise tumultuous era. "Candy" and "The Night of the Following Day" are strange, dated products of the late '60s that will probably never be unearthed. Brando considered 1970's "Burn!" to be among his finest achievements, a sentiment shared by no one.

The discontent that had been slowly building since "Mutiny" had turned into full blown contempt for the biz as a middle-aged Marlon entered the 1970s. "The Nightcomers" was a relatively minor entry in his filmography which brought whispers that he was washed up. A spent force. Then a director by the name of Frances Ford Coppola orchestrated a colossal comeback that arguably puts him on equal footing with Elia Kazan as Brando's most important collaborator. His portrayal of mob patriarch Vito Corleone, and just about every other aspect of the sprawling cultural landmark known as "The Godfather", is permanently engrained in the public consciousness. The Academy Awards for Best Picture and Actor(which Brando declined in controversial fashion) couldn't have gone to any other film in 1972 and the careers of his young costars Al Pacino, Robert Duvall, and Diane Keaton were soon off and running. Reenergized, he quickly turned in another top five performance as a lonely widower engaged in a purely sexual relationship with a Parisian girl in Bernardo Bertolucci's art-house triumph "Last Tango In Paris". He was rewarded with his seventh Best Actor nod in 1973 and it's been said that this emotionally grueling drama took up all his remaining artistic ambitions.

A red hot Jack Nicholson was thrilled to work with his resurgent idol in 1976's "The Missouri Breaks", but the highly anticipated Arthur Penn Western was a disappointment for all involved. He received top billing and top dollar to play Superman's father in the 1978 Christopher Reeve blockbuster that grandfathered the whole superhero film genre that we're currently up to our necks in. Coppola came calling again as the decade drew to a close to enlist Brando for his epic deconstruction of the Vietnam War. The two-time Oscar winner showed up to the notoriously difficult "Apocalypse Now" shoot with a bald head, 250 pounds, and a refusal to learn his lines. Somehow, he's still brilliant. His shadowy Colonel Kurtz looms large over the three hour film despite only appearing in the third act and was the key component in Coppola's haunting masterpiece. Next up was a supporting role opposite George C. Scott in the mystery thriller "The Formula" for "Rocky" director John G. Avildsen.

Brando was MIA for most of the 1980s. He may have not known his place in a now-aggressively commercialized industry ruled by the laconic likes of Harrison Ford, but did come out of hiding to notch one last Academy Award nomination as a lawyer battling apartheid in 1989's "A Dry White Season". He was much more active in the '90s, starting with a playful spoof of Vito Corleone in the Mathew Broderick comedy "The Freshman". He switched gears for some staid 1992 Oscar bait called "Christopher Columbus: The Discovery" before teaming with a rapidly rising Johnny Depp in the modest 1995 hit "Don Juan DeMarco". The single worst film of his career was 1996's "The Island of Dr. Moreau". The eccentric icon should've passed on the sci-fi disaster that he had no interest in beyond cashing a paycheck bigger than his waistline. A year later he did Depp a favor when he agreed to a part in his dark 1997 indie flick "The Brave" which was followed by the equally obscure yet appropriately titled comedy "Free Money" starring Charlie Sheen. Unless you count a high-priced cameo in a Michael Jackson video, it's fitting that his final screen appearance came opposite Robert DeNiro, perhaps his most celebrated disciple, in the low-key 2001 caper "The Score". Not many actors can boast of a fifty year presence on movie screens, but I can't help but wonder how many more great performances he could have given if disillusionment hadn't settled in and he'd been a little more accepting of his gifts. There's no doubt that his son's manslaughter conviction and his daughter's suicide took a real heavy toll. You'll have to learn more about those tragic tales elsewhere. His last days were reportedly spent in bed, glued to coverage of the conflicts in the Middle East. He cared more about the state of the world than any of the forty films he left behind. He unquestionably furthered the art form in at least ten of them. So, is he really the G.O.A.T? That's certainly debatable, but Nicholson, whose definitely in that discussion, may have said it best- "Other actors don't go around discussing who the best actor in the world is because it's obvious. When Marlon dies, we all move up one".

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RIP Robin Williams 1951-2014

August 16, 2014, 7:35 am

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The world was saddened this week as news broke about the shocking suicide of Robin Williams. His battles with depression and substance abuse have been well-documented and there were even reports of a recent Parkinson's diagnosis. I won't delve any further into those issues other than to say that Williams may come to be the ultimate example of that old adage about the 'sad clown'. There have been no shortage of memorials and teary-eyed tributes in the media and I'm sure this blog will merely be a reiteration of everything that's already been said, but I'll still do my best to honor this beloved figure.

After honing his skills on the 1970s San Francisco stand-up comedy circuit, the Chicago native achieved significant fame in 1978 as a hyperactive alien on the cult sitcom "Mork & Mindy". The show's runaway success made it very clear that such an immense talent couldn't be contained to the small screen and movie offers inevitably began to pour in. During his peak years(1987-1997), a Williams-led blockbuster seemed like an annual occurrence as he sat comfortably among Hollywood's elite. But nothing lasts forever and Robin gradually fell from the top tier in the '00s after participating in far too many projects that were unworthy of his presence. The role of Teddy Roosevelt in Ben Stiller's hit "Night At The Museum" trilogy provided some relief(the third is due out Dec 19). His legacy of laughter couldn't be dampened, though. It's nice to hear from so many youngsters that weren't even alive to witness his hysterical heyday. I put together a list below of what I feel are the essential Robin Williams movies and why. For the record, I liked "Patch Adams" and still wish Robin had played the Riddler for Tim Burton in '95(sorry, Jim Carrey).

"Good Morning, Vietnam"(1987)
Robin Williams made his film debut in 1980's "Popeye". You're forgiven for not knowing that. I have yet to re-evaluate Robert Altman's live-action incarnation of the spinach-eating sailorman through grown-up eyes. Robin's earliest efforts in Tinsel-town were rather sketchy. "The World According to Garp" was well-reviewed in 1982, but other films from this formative period did little to advance his silver screen ambitions.

His manic energy finally connected with the movie-going masses as Armed Forces DJ Adrian Cronauer in this fact-based tale from "Rain Man" director Barry Levinson. He improvised most of the radio scenes in a showcase vehicle that really encapsulates his particular brand- free-flowing comedy with a serious core. This movie is my first memory of Robin Williams, although I may have glimpsed Mork as a small child, I can't be certain. Here's what IS certain- "Vietnam" was the fourth biggest moneymaker of 1987(behind "Three Men and a Baby", "Fatal Attraction" and "Beverly Hills Cop II" respectively), loudly announcing the true arrival of an inexhaustible leading man that couldn't be denied the cinematic spotlight.

"Dead Poet's Society"(1989)
Carpe diem. Robin was clearly following that famous credo when he seized the role of unorthodox English teacher John Keating. He livens up an ultra-conservative prep school in 1959 and awakens the passions of a handful of restless students(including an 18 year old Ethan Hawke in his screen breakthrough). If only more real life educators did their jobs with as much zeal as this guy, but that's a discussion for another forum.

As far as inspirational teacher dramas go, this one sits at the head of the class. Director Peter Weir("Witness") should be credited for playing a significant role in Williams' big screen development. The film landed some major Academy Award nominations and did very strong business in a summer movie season populated by the formidable likes of Indiana Jones and Ghostbusters. I'm standing on top of my desk and saluting the captain as I type this. Robin was demonstrating some serious drawing power that he would wield for much of the next decade.

"Aladdin"(1992)
Disney's 31st animated feature continued the mammoth studio's renaissance which began with 1989's "The Little Mermaid", quickly becoming the Mouse House's highest grossing film(until 1994's "The Lion King"). This wouldn't have been possible without Williams' Genie, the standard bearer for voice work in the modern era of animation. He threw himself into this role, forcing changes to several scenes in order to match his trademark improvisations. He's the reason that virtually every big name actor you can think of has at least one voice credit on their resume. Previously the domain of unknown, out-of-work actors, animated productions would now call on A-list residents who gladly accepted multi-million dollar salaries to spend two weeks in a recording booth. One interesting tidbit is that Williams accepted the standard fee for voice work in '92($75,000) and reportedly felt screwed by Disney when the film collected $216 million during the holiday season. They rectified the situation with a $1 million check after the fact and a presumably larger one to lure him back for a 1996 straight-to-video sequel.

Robin's multiple voice roles often go overlooked when his career is discussed(he later lent his vocals to "Happy Feet"), but the magic he brought to "Aladdin", coupled with Steven Spielberg's "Hook", insured him a permanent place in the hearts of a children of all ages. His Genie whirled into the zeitgeist and granted all of our wishes.

"Mrs. Doubtfire"(1993)
Robin reached his commercial zenith in this wildly successful cross-dressing comedy that's part of a holy trifecta with "Tootsie" and "Some Like It Hot". In retrospect, he was the last comedic performer to really get away with it(I'm looking at you, Martin Lawrence). Just to give you a better idea of how popular Williams was at this time, "Doubtfire" was the biggest box office hit of the year that didn't feature a rain-soaked, rampaging T-Rex.

Director Chris Columbus of "Home Alone" and "Harry Potter" fame was able to find that tricky balance of humor and heart that so few films seem able to manage. Robin got to flex some dramatic muscle when he wasn't getting hot flashes or frantically changing clothes in a public restroom. There were surely plenty of displaced dads that related to the struggles of Daniel Hillard. Sally Field deserves a nod for fleshing out the part of his workaholic ex-wife- a thankless, unsympathetic role in the hands of a lesser actress. It would be easy to dismiss this story with words like 'silly' and 'implausible', but Williams' committed performance simply trumps any such problems and the film makes a solid case for old-fashioned family values.

There's no doubt that "Nine Months", "Jumanji" and "The Birdcage" benefitted from the enormous goodwill he had built up in the mid '90s. Little did we know that Williams was eying even more challenging projects outside of his comical comfort zone.

"Good Will Hunting"(1997)
Hard to believe there was a time when Matt Damon and Ben Affleck were just a couple of handsome nobodies. It's pretty much common knowledge that the scrappy Boston buddies wrote a dazzling screenplay that became one of the most acclaimed films of 1997, laying the foundation for the huge success that continues to this day. The bearded fellow sitting here next to Jason Bourne had a little something to do with that.

If there's one thing I want readers to take away from this blog, it's that Robin Williams was much more than a great comedian. His compassionate therapist Sean Maguire lifts this film to another level with his tender reminiscing about his late wife. Such scenes earned Robin a well-deserved Best Supporting Actor Oscar, his only win out of four nominations. I don't want to say that he was a victim of the so-called 'Oscar curse', but "GWH" definitely represents an artistic high point and I'm not sure if he was consciously trying to reach for that again. Expectations are often a burden and I suspect he may have felt a newfound pressure to make a Tom Hanks-style run as a perennial awards contender which is much easier said than done.

"Insomnia"(2002)
Robin memorably embraced his dark side in 2002 with a trio of roles that represented a huge departure from his established persona. It felt like a direct response to the charges of saccharine and sappy sentimentality brought on by stone-faced critics of his late '90s work("What Dreams May Come","Patch Adams", "Bicentennial Man"). Danny DeVito's "Death to Smoochy" flopped, but a lot of people seemed to like "One Hour Photo". I admired Robin's creepy characterization much more than the film itself. Chris Nolan's "Insomnia" was a vastly superior effort.

Before Nolan was orchestrating the revival of a certain caped crime-fighter, he was quietly building a rep as the maker of high class psychological thrillers. Al Pacino(his last good movie, too) stars as Will Dormer, a sleep-deprived LAPD detective summoned to Alaska to aid in the investigation of a teenage girl's murder. I'm not giving anything away when I reveal that the trail leads to Robin's reclusive author Walter Finch because his ominous voice basically admits to the horrific crime in the film's trailer. I can't think of too many comedians being this convincing as an eerily calm killer.

His disturbing exchanges with Pacino should have been the start of an exciting new chapter but it was not to be. Robin didn't build on this momentum for some reason and his subsequent output is comprised mostly of increasingly unsatisfying comedies and obscure indies that don't warrant a lengthy analysis. Perhaps the quality of cinema as a whole just isn't what it was when Robin was a younger man. The public embraced Adam Sandler and the landscape changed, but that's also a discussion for another day. I wish Robin could have given us more. He gave more than enough, though.

Complete filmography(55 films in total, the highly successful ones are darkened)

"Popeye"(1980)
"The World According to Garp"(1982)
"Moscow on the Hudson"(1984)
"The Best of Times"(1986)
"Club Paradise"(1986)
"Good Morning, Vietnam"(1987)
"The Adventures of Baron Munchausen"(1988)
"Dead Poet's Society"(1989)
"Cadillac Man"(1990)
"Awakenings"(1990)
"Dead Again"(1991)
"The Fisher King"(1991)
"Hook"(1991)
"Aladdin"(1992)
"Toys"(1992)
"FernGully: The Last Rainforest"(1992)
"Mrs. Doubtfire"(1993)
"Being Human"(1994)
"Nine Months"(1995)
"Jumanji"(1995)
"Jack"(1996)
"The Birdcage"(1996)
"Hamlet"(1996)
"Fathers' Day"(1997)
"Flubber"(1997)
"Good Will Hunting"(1997)
"Deconstructing Harry"(1997)
"What Dreams May Come"(1998)
"Patch Adams"(1998)
"Jakob The Liar"(1999)
"Bicentennial Man"(1999)
"A.I: Artificial Intelligence"(2001)
"Death to Smoochy"(2002)
"Insomnia"(2002)
"One Hour Photo"(2002)
"House of D"(2004)
"The Final Cut"(2004)
"Robots"(2005)
"RV"(2006)
"The Night Listener"(2006)
"Man of the Year"(2006)
"Happy Feet"(2006)
"Night at the Museum"(2006)
"License to Wed"(2007)
"August Rush"(2007)
"Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian"(2009)
"World's Greatest Dad"(2009)
"Shrink"(2009)
"Old Dogs"(2009)
"Happy Feet Two"(2011)
"The Big Wedding"(2013)
"Lee Daniels' The Butler"(2013)
"Boulevard"(2014)
"Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb"(2014)
"Absolutely Anything"(2015)

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2014- The Worst Summer Movie Season Ever?

September 2, 2014, 1:26 pm

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It's the first week of September and the summer is unofficially over. Thank God. Don't get me wrong, I love warm weather and barbecues and the beach(well, maybe not the beach) and everything that the summer represents. Summer means fun. Unless you like going to the movies. If you're a regular filmgoer with a working brain, a trip to the theater has gradually become a less than pleasurable experience between the first week of May and the last week of August. Admit it. You made that long walk back to your car, staring at the ground, wondering how Michael Bay raped your wallet AGAIN. I'll resist the urge to turn this into a Bay-bashing blog, even though his fourth "Transformers" raked in over $1 billion worldwide and he's already announced a sequel to "TMNT". That would be too easy and there are plenty of other culprits. Maybe you shelled out to take a date to one of this summer's "comedies". If that's the case, I hope you at least got laid. When the fifth "Spiderman" and the sixth "X-Men" are the most appealing options at the ticket counter, there's something seriously wrong. I know what you're thinking- "Planet of the Apes" was pretty good and so was "22 Jump Street". Big f'n deal. I remember a time when you raced to the multiplex because you just HAD to see that great film that your family and friends were talking about or else you would be excluded from the conversation. Now you drag yourself there because you know deep down that you've seen everything but you still have to find material for your blog.

Let's talk about the Fourth of July weekend. Some earth-shattering cinematic events have taken place on or around the date that America celebrates it's independence. There are obvious examples like "Independence Day", one of the highest grossing films of the '90s. You may not know that "Terminator 2" and "Forrest Gump" both came out on the 4th. So did "Back to the Future". So, what did 2014 bring us? Drumroll, please. The answer is pictured directly above. "Tammy". That's right. Are you freaking kidding me?!?! TAMMY?!?!?!?! There's no need to even go any further. I've proven my point. July's box office average was down 30% this year. That's cause for concern. In twenty years, we've gone from a Tom Hanks Oscar winner to Melissa McCarthy sticking up a fast food restaurant. It's fitting in a way. Many movies today are the equivalent of fast food. The best reviewed film of the year so far is Richard Linklater's "Boyhood". It's got a 99% approval rating on RT, but only got a limited release this summer while dopey action vehicles like "Hercules" and "Lucy" were playing everywhere. Am I the only one bothered by this gross lack of diversity? Is there some sort of conspiracy in place, trying to lower our intelligence?

Here are the cold, hard facts. For the first time since 2001, not one movie this summer passed the $300 million mark in the U.S. "Guardians of the Galaxy" was a late summer smash that will probably get there. Stallone's luck ran out with "The Expendables III" and the belated "Sin City" sequel totally bombed. There's ample proof that this was the most depressing summer movie season since 1975(give yourself a pat on the back if you knew that's the year "Jaws" came out). Spielberg recently made a gloomy prediction about the industry based on a glut of uninspired, under-performing would-be blockbusters. Jeffrey Katzenberg moaned that the movie biz is stagnant and we won't see any real change for the remainder of the decade. The superhero genre will continue it's stranglehold over the marketplace in the coming years with Marvel and DC engaged in a fight to the death. The slate for 2015-16 won't contain many surprises. Original creations like "Ghostbusters' and "Gremlins", which both topped the charts in 1984, aren't likely to appear. We'll see more huge opening weekends followed by a 60% drop off in the second week. Nothing will linger in the memory for too long because each film is indistinguishable from the last. Cities will get destroyed, they'll be a lot of cheap laughs, and the DVD will be on shelves in three months. That's how long "E.T" was number one at the box office and it wasn't based on a comic book or a young adult novel. The thought of that happening now is funnier than anything that happened in "Sex Tape" and more far-fetched than "Let's Be Cops". Next year I'm going to the beach.

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Directors That Completely Lost It

September 8, 2014, 7:50 am

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Directing is arguably the toughest job in Hollywood. The first thing I learned as a budding cinephile is that the director is, in most cases, primarily responsible for the success or failure of a film. You're favorite actors and actresses can only look as good as the director allows them to be. Those scenes that stick in your memory are usually the result of a director making the right choice on the set or in the editing room. A great director doesn't move forward until every aspect of the production feels just right and there's only a select few that the general public can instantly identify, from deceased masters like Hitchcock and Kubrick to their present day counterparts Spielberg and Scorsese. Educated movie fans can tell you all about James Cameron and the Coen bros. If you've got a few hours to kill, they'll give you an exhausting breakdown of Woody Allen's output. You probably know someone that thinks Chris Nolan is God's gift to 21st Century cinema and let's not even get started on Tarantino.

Every director secretly dreams of amassing a similarly devoted following among moviegoers. This is a list of filmmakers that once had greatness within arm's reach or at least a legitimate shot at it. For varied reasons that I'll try my best to explain, it didn't happen. Every guy on this list directed one film that you love. Maybe more.

William Friedkin
Few filmmakers start their careers with two undisputed classics and then go on to produce inexcusable trash. Well, that's exactly what happened with Billy Friedkin. "The French Connection" won Best Picture in 1971 and Gene Hackman's Popeye Doyle predates Dirty Harry in the storied annals of tough movie cops. People still talk about that car chase through real traffic. "The Exorcist" still tops every list of scariest movies ever made and Linda Blair spewing pea soup is as iconic as a Norman Bates shower interruption. It would take this entire blog to figure out exactly what happened after that. "Sorcerer" had NO chance against "Star Wars" in 1977. He then delivered one of 1980's worst movies- the much-maligned "Cruising". Al Pacino looked as uncomfortable making this controversial cop thriller as the average viewer felt watching it, with more offensive homosexual stereotypes than you can shake a stick at(sorry). "To Live and Die In L.A." was a brief return to form in 1985, but "Rampage" and "The Guardian"

John Carpenter
Carpenter worked wonders with small budgets, starting with "Escape From Precinct 13". He is widely acknowledged as the grandfather of the modern slasher genre. His much-imitated masterpiece "Halloween" cost $320,000. It grossed $70 million in 1978 and gave Jamie Lee Curtis a movie career. He oversaw a few of the sequels while Reagan was in office and simultaneously began a long and fruitful relationship with Kurt Russell. The duo gave us "Escape From New York", "The Thing" and "Big Trouble in Little China"- all beloved cult classics in some circles. He even managed to make something out of "They Live" with wrestler 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper. Carpenter's luck completely ran out in the '90s, though. "Memoirs of an Invisible Man" starring Chevy Chase was a sci-fi comedy that's been pretty invisible since it's underwhelming theatrical release in the summer of '92. Then this fool started proudly stamping his name on films that most directors would try to disown. "John Carpenter's In the Mouth of Madness", "John Carpenter's Village of the Damned". John Carpenter's Vampires and John Carpenter's Ghosts of Mars". There was nary a profit in sight. "Escape From L.A." was a pathetic encore for Snake Plissken that arrived at least ten years too late. His last film to date was 2010's "The Ward". I don't remember it either.

Martin Brest
Brest was behind the camera on 1984's "Beverly Hills Cop", the movie that launched Eddie Murphy into the stratosphere(he was also behind the desk at the Beverly Hills hotel in the film's closing moments). Four years later, he sent Robert DeNiro and Charles Grodin on a "Midnight Run". It's safe to say the man knew his way around an action comedy. He seemed to cement his rep when he guided Al Pacino to his only Academy Award for Best Actor in 1992's "Scent of a Woman". Then "Gigli" happened. The infamous flick that united Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez sold way more tabloids than movie tickets and has since become a synonym for cinematic awfulness. Someone had to take the blame and Brest was the easiest person to punish in this scenario. He was reportedly difficult to work with at various points in his career and now the industry bigwigs had the excuse that they may have been looking for to show him the door. He hasn't worked since 2003. It doesn't seem fair, but two mega-flops in less than five years may be an unforgiveable offense. Brest could just be an example of an above average director who got really lucky in the first half of his career.

John McTiernan

Renny Harlin
Many will take exception with the implication that Renny Harlin ever approached greatness, but here me out. He arguably directed the best non-Rocky/Rambo Stallone movie ever in 1993, which was called "Cliffhanger".

Rob Reiner
From 1984 to 1992, Reiner directed "This Is Spinal Tap", "The Sure Thing", "Stand By Me", "The Princess Bride", "When Harry Met Sally", "Misery" and "A Few Good Men". Each one of those films is either a modern classic or a cult favorite and Reiner was starting to look like a legend in the making. His winning streak came to an abrupt and screeching halt with 1994's "North". For those blissfully unaware, Reiner led a twelve year old Elijah Wood and a large supporting cast through the worst project that most of them would ever be a part of in this alleged 'comedy'. Critics tore it apart and audiences ignored it altogether. If there was ever a film that represented a seismic shift in the public's perception of a director, "North" is it and Reiner has yet to offer an apology or an explanation. He bounced back briefly with 1995's "The American President", but everything he's done since has been a VERY mixed bag- "Ghosts of Mississippi", "The Story of Us", "Alex & Emma", "Rumor Has It...", "The Bucket List", "And So It Goes". A considerably less impressive list of credits to put it mildly. So, what the hell happened to Rob Reiner? The world may never know.

Oliver Stone
This one hurts, too. I include Oliver Stone with mild trepidation. From 1986 to 1991, he was the best director on the planet. "Platoon", "Born On The Fourth Of July", and "JFK" is his holy trifecta and are all indisputably great movies. The fearless provocateur also managed to crank out "Salvador" and "Wall Street" during this highly productive period. Stone seemed to be effortlessly operating on an artistic level that few filmmakers ever come close to. It's a pace that may have been impossible to maintain. "Heaven & Earth", the third chapter in his 'Vietnam trilogy', brought Stone back down to earth when it failed to match his prior acclaim in 1993. Then came "Natural Born Killers". One of the most polarizing films to ever hit the mainstream, half the public hailed the Woody Harrelson-Juliet Lewis killing spree as another Stone masterpiece. The other half thought it was sickening, exploitative trash. He forged ahead in the mid-to-late '90s with the mostly respectable trio of "Nixon", U Turn", and "Any Given Sunday" but his previously strong support from the critics was noticeably absent. Stone reached his nadir with 2004's "Alexander". I wish I could omit the Colin Farrell-starring historical epic from his resume because it's unquestionably one of the most misguided films of the 2000s. It's hard to knock a movie as well-intentioned as 2006's "World Trade Center", but many came away wondering what the rabble-rousing, younger version of Stone would have done with a subject as potent as 9/11. He even took it easy on our much-maligned 43th President in 2008's "W", before orchestrating an unnecessary and anti-climactic encore for Gordon Gekko in 2010's "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps". "Savages" was a bit of depraved fun in 2012, but each new project he tackles makes it more clear that his best days are behind him.

M Night Shyamalan
Here we go. You knew this one was coming. just may be the poster boy for directorial decline.

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Franchise Review- A Nightmare On Elm Street

October 31, 2014, 12:21 pm

≫ Next: 1989- The Greatest Summer Movie Season Ever?

≪ Previous: Directors That Completely Lost It

"A Nightmare On Elm Street"(1984)

"A Nightmare On Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors"(1987)
Chuck Russell is a competent director(he would later help further Jim Carrey's cause in "The Mask") and Patricia Arquette is the best actress to ever grace this franchise. we even get "Larry" Fishburne

"A Nightmare On Elm Street 4: The Dream Master"(1988)

"A Nightmare On Elm Street 5: The Dream Child"(1989)

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1989- The Greatest Summer Movie Season Ever?

November 13, 2014, 8:39 am

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You can have Robert Downey Jr. and Michael Bay's CGI robots. I'll take Harrison Ford on horseback, galloping after a tank filled with Nazis in the desert any day of the week.

It just took too long to get "GBII" made. If it had come out in 1986 or '87, the box office could have conceivably been doubled and we wouldn't have been subjected to a decade of endless rumors and speculation about a third film because it would've been out in '89. THAT'S how you roll out a franchise, folks. This shit has to be done in a timely fashion. The GB craze was over by the early '90s(even the animated series concluded in '91) and there weren't nearly as many people humming Ray Parker's immortal theme song on they're way to work. The films became a permanent fixture on cable and I know I stopped my channel-surfing more than once when I saw that dancing toaster, but Dan Aykroyd's

Now would be a good time to mention that 1989 was the year that the buddy cop movie peaked. Sorry, Tango & Cash, but this is the duo I turn to when I'm in need of a fix. If Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon shot people, they still wouldn't hold a candle to Gibson and Glover.

the

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Forrest Gump vs. Pulp Fiction vs. The Shawshank Redemption

November 16, 2014, 11:28 am

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   There's a relatively small number of movies that everyone's seen and (most) everyone loves. Each decade produces a handful of such titles that become cultural landmarks. We know the characters as well as we know members of our own family. We can recite all the dialogue. We abruptly stop our channel-surfing when we come across them on cable(which is a lot). But what happens when a trio of movies all fitting that description are released in the same year?

   I have to start off by saying that 1994 was a tremendous year for movies. One of the best I've ever witnessed. Most people don't pay much attention to the Academy Awards. They tend to lean toward artsy stuff that doesn't represent the viewing habits of the vast majority. Well, 1994 was NOT one of those years. The public was much more invested than usual. I don't think it's an exaggeration to call that year the fiercest, most compelling Oscar battle in history. We had not one, not two, but THREE movies up for the big prize that could have easily won. The two films that lost are SO beloved that many wish we could go back and correct some sort of grave injustice. The Oscars are really a double-edged sword with the winners often facing the wrath of angry online 'critics' that love to toss around demeaning labels such as "safe" and "overrated". Revisionist history often comes into play in an attempt to tear down these 'inferior' films and replace them with that overlooked masterpiece that we weren't intelligent or daring enough to fully embrace at the time. In a way, the arrogant attitudes of such film fans is every bit of pretentious and narrow-minded as those stodgy, invisible elder statesman that they despise within the Academy.

   On the Fourth of July weekend in 1994, "Back to the Future" director Robert Zemeckis released "Forrest Gump". The film was a genuine phenomenon that did the kind of business usually unseen outside of heavily-hyped, FX-laden extravaganzas. As a matter of fact, I don't recall "Forrest" getting any hype at all besides some very enthusiastic reviews, and we all know that actual professional critics don't have much of a hold over the average Joe(he's too busy looking at the sports pages). Tom Hanks was hot and was coming off a Best Actor win for "Philadelphia", but this was a true word-of-mouth hit, which means a whole bunch of people see a movie and really like it and they tell all their family and friends and they really like it and so on and so forth. I explain this because it so rarely happens in a day and age where the opening weekend is everything. The point being that this Southern simpleton earned his success.

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Comedy Sequels Are No Laughing Matter

November 17, 2014, 4:52 pm

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≪ Previous: Forrest Gump vs. Pulp Fiction vs. The Shawshank Redemption

   Just when you thought Harry and Lloyd couldn't possibly be any dumber, they go and make "Dumb & Dumber To". Nostalgic feelings for a time when Jim Carrey was actually funny resulted in a $38 million opening weekend despite a 25% approval rating on RT. I'm afraid the Farrelly bros. formula has been abused far too often in the twenty years since this crude duo were first unleashed on a rather genteel comedy landscape WAY back in 1994. The original was lightning in a bottle. If it had been released any other year with any other talent, it fails and fails miserably. But audiences were ready for toilet humor and lowbrow laughs. They sure got it.

   There's a reason we never saw Ferris Bueller or Cher Horowitz in college. I'm not here to totally trash every comedy sequel. Most of us are glad we met Mini-Me and Goldmember(well, maybe not Goldmember). We had some fun with Kevin McCallister in NY and a nice Christmas with the Griswalds. But then there's the little matter of the Wolfpack turning into those party guests that stay long after everyone else has left, eventually falling asleep on your couch at 2 am. Nobody wants to deal with that and nobody needed to see Bradley Cooper and co. in Bangkok.

   This blog will take a look at several attempts at comedy franchising and why things didn't really work. Just to make one thing clear, a franchise consists of three or more films.

Audiences were literally willing to accept ANYTHING Jim Carrey did in 1995 and he took full advantage of that. Go ahead and make Ace Ventura 3, Jim. I dare you.

"Arthur 2: On The Rocks"(1988)
If you're under the age of 30, that's Dudley Moore and Liza Minnelli.

"City Slickers II: The Legend of Curly's Gold"(1994)

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RIP Mike Nichols 19

November 21, 2014, 7:49 am

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The 80 Best Characters of the '80s

December 9, 2014, 10:46 am

≫ Next: Biggest Oscar Blunders- Best Actor/Actress

≪ Previous: RIP Mike Nichols 19

the

Bobo Fett- "Empire Strikes Back", "Return of the Jedi"(1980, 1983)
I felt an obligation to include this wildly popular intergalactic bounty hunter, even though his screen time is VERY limited in George Lucas' space opera. That hardly mattered to franchise fanatics. Here's hoping Disney gives him more to do.

Mahoney- "Police Academy"(1984, 1985, 1986, 1987)
Steve Guttenberg's smart-ass cop caused a lot of laughter in. Well, maybe not a lot. Maybe not even laughter. More like a a weak smile or two. Either way, the Gutt was undoubtedly an '80s superstar.

Susie Diamond- "The Fabulous Baker Boys"(1989)
With all due respect to her iconic turn as Catwoman/Selina Kyle, this slinky songbird is generally considered the peak of Michelle Pfeiffer's ethereal hotness and that's REALLY SAYING SOMETHING.

Arthur Bach- "Arthur", "Arthur 2: On The Rocks"(1981, 1988)

Jessica Rabbit- "Who Framed Roger Rabbit"(1988)

Robocop- "Robocop"(1987)

Raymond Babbitt- "Rain Man"(1988)
Tom Cruise's card-counting older brother is the reason you have a mild understanding of autism

Sarah Connor- "The Terminator"(1984)

Gordon Gekko- "Wall Street"(1987)

Axl Foley- "Beverly Hills Cop", "Beverly Hills Cop II"(1984, 1987)

Yoda- "Empire Strikes Back", "Return of the Jedi"(1983)

John McClane- "Die Hard"(1988)

Martin Riggs- "Lethal Weapon", "Lethal Weapon 2"(1987, 1989)

Marty McFly- "Back to the Future", Back to the Future Part II"(1985, 1989)

John Rambo- "Rambo" trilogy(1982, 1985, 1988)

Tony Montana- "Scarface"(1983)

Indiana Jones-

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Biggest Oscar Blunders- Best Actor/Actress

February 10, 2015, 1:29 pm

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1995's winner- Nicholas Cage("Leaving Las Vegas"
Also nominated- Anthony Hopkins("Nixon"), Sean Penn("Dead Man Walking"), Richard Dreyfuss("Mr. Holland's Opus"), Massimo Troisi("Il Postino: The Postman")

1998's winner- Roberto Benigni("Life Is Beautiful")
Also nominated- Tom Hanks("Saving Private Ryan"), Edward Norton("American History X"), Nick Nolte("Affliction"), Ian McKellan("Gods and Monsters")

2000's winner- Russell Crowe("Gladiator")
Also nominated- Ed Harris("Pollock"), Tom Hanks(Cast Away"), Javier Bardem("Before Night Falls"), Geoffrey Rush("Quills")

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The Year In Review- 2014

February 22, 2015, 1:17 pm

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≪ Previous: Biggest Oscar Blunders- Best Actor/Actress

"Boyhood"(2014)

"Birdman"(2014)

"American Sniper"(2014)

"Foxcatcher"(2014)

"Interstellar"(2014)

"Gone Girl"(2014)

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More Two Star Movies

April 10, 2015, 2:44 pm

≫ Next: 40 Underrated Movies Part III

≪ Previous: The Year In Review- 2014

"Raw Deal"(1986)
Smack dab in the middle of Schwarzenegger's two defining masterworks("The Terminator", "Predator") came this generic, aptly titled Arnie vehicle that was met with the same reception as Stallone's similarly underwhelming "Cobra" released that very same year.

"We're No Angels"(1989)
Double Oscar winners DeNiro and Sean Penn only made one movie together. Unfortunately,

"Being Human"(1994)
I'll bet 99.9% of the world's population has never seen or heard of this Robin Williams oddity, strange considering it arrived about six months after his mega-hit "Mrs. Doubtfire".

"The Quick and the Dead"(1995)
Blonde beauty Sharon Stone as a pistol-packing, Old Western outlaw? Right. This absurd vehicle was DOA despite Gene Hackman. Notable ONLY for the early screen appearances of Leo DiCaprio and Russell Crowe.

"Larry Crowne"(2011)
Don't Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts look like they're having fun pretending to ride that motorized scooter? They were the only ones that enjoyed Tom's middle-aged adventures in college that seemed to indicate that the Hanks' brand of wholesomeness may have finally reached it's expiration date.

"Bullet to the Head"(2013)
As a red-blooded, heterosexual American male over the age of 30, I feel a strong obligation to support the works of Sylvester Stallone. He makes that really difficult at least 70% of the time.

"Inherent Vice"(2014)
Memo to Paul Thomas Anderson- You can't DELIBERATELY make a cult movie. That's something that just happens. I'm still not sure what Joaquin Phoenix's hippie/stoner 1070s detective was doing half the time, but I know what he didn't do and that's entertain me.

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40 Underrated Movies Part III

May 23, 2015, 8:33 am

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Franchise Review- Terminator

July 6, 2015, 2:33 pm

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≪ Previous: 40 Underrated Movies Part III

"Terminator Genisys" opened on the Fourth of July weekend to the underwhelming tune of $44 million. Unless overseas audiences come to Arnie's rescue, this is looking like the death knell for the once-mighty franchise launched by James Cameron more than three decades ago. The Terminator won't be back this time, it really is "hasta la vista, baby" unless Cameron does something with the rights that revert back to him in 2019(don't hold your breath). There's a plethora of reasons for this, the Governator has no pull with 2015's ticket-buyers, and if the box office performances of his 'comeback' vehicles "The Last Stand" and "Sabotage" didn't make that clear, it should be REALLY clear right now. The dino-sized durability of "Jurassic World" sure didn't help the cause. Perhaps "TG" was just one reboot too many.

It saddens me to type a eulogy, as does the realization that there's a legion of uneducated "Transformers"-loving youngsters that probably have no idea how awesome this series was in a previous cinematic age. I'm so grateful that my childhood included a remorseless android with an Austrian accent taking out his eye and tearing through Los Angeles on a Harley, and Robert Patrick's liquid metal mercenary doing things your mother didn't want you to see yet. That's right, movies were RATED R when I was a kid and it was absolutely wonderful. Let's go back in time and recap this sensational saga.

"The Terminator"(1984)
It's hard to believe that bearded braggadocios James Cameron was once just a 28 year old outsider stung by a dismal debut(1981's "Piranha II")as he feverishly fleshed out a cool script about a killer robot. Well, believe it because that was the genesis(no pun intended) of the most revered fantasy filmmaker NOT named Steven Spielberg or George Lucas. He worked wonders with an economical $6.5 million budget and got a little help of course, from the monosyllabic mountain of muscle pictured above. What more needs to be said about Arnold's immortal infiltration unit? To say that the seven time Mr. Universe owes a large part of his subsequent success to this role would be an understatement. Linda Hamilton's waitress-turned-warrior Sarah Connor is equally celebrated in some circles and the battered heart that Michael Biehn brought to exposition-spouting soldier Kyle Reese never got enough credit. They're tragically brief tryst is the undersold emotional core of an exhilarating, expertly-executed work of escapism.

Despite the sheer quality on display, "The Terminator" was not a huge box office hit nor was it released in the summertime. The T-800 was unleashed on an unsuspecting public in late October and like "Blade Runner" and "First Blood", it was one of the first films to attract more eyeballs in the exploding aftermarket of video and cable than it did during it's initial theatrical run. An enthusiastic fan-base of bloodthirsty young males emerged, prodding a now-red hot Cameron to craft an epic encore.

"Terminator 2: Judgment Day"(1991)
The greatest sequel of all time(yeah, I said it) roared into theaters on the Fourth of July weekend and surpassed it's near-perfect predecessor in nearly every respect. Think about that for a moment. In the seven years that separate these two films(which btw would NEVER happen today), Arnold became set in stone as a hulking hero in popular titles such as "Commando", "Predator", "Twins", "Total Recall" and Kindergarten Cop" making it nearly impossible not to root for him. Cameron realized this right away and brought the big guy back on board as the protector of a preteen John Connor, impressively played by newcomer Edward Furlong. A ripped-and-ready Linda Hamilton startled viewers with a previously unrivalled showing of female ferocity, and Robert Patrick's terrifying T-1000 was an instantly iconic showcase for a soon-to-be-omnipotent new technology known as CGI. It's difficult to do this film justice in a pithy paragraph. It truly was a cinematic event complete with a toy line, and coupled with 1986's "Aliens"(just as jaw-dropping) , is the humongous height of Cameron's creative powers.

"T2" was the highest-grossing film of the year, and represents Schwarzenegger's peak as an action icon. He had a few more hits, most notably 1994's "True Lies"(also directed by Cameron), but the misses became more noticeable and frequent as the decade drew to a close("Jingle All The Way", "Batman & Robin", "End of Days"). The finality felt by audiences in the summer of '91 meant little to the fading legend because there was only one entity capable of undoing the damage done by "Collateral Damage", even if it had to be done with an all new set of collaborators.

"Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines"(2003)
Arnold was the sole returnee in the "Terminator" team(besides Dr. Silberman) for this belated third installment that now faced an upstart "Matrix" series in the bombastic battle for the sci-fi fantasy crowd. A few crappy quips aside("Talk to the hand"), old Schwarz slid very comfortably back into his trademark leather duds to dance with a bad female terminator(Kristanna Loken) in this last hurrah before his erstwhile political career beckoned. I shouldn't have to tell anyone that James Cameron set sail with Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in 1997, taking the all-time box office title from "Star Wars" and a boatload of Oscars, allowing "Breakdown" director Jonathan Mostow to capitalize on his disinterest in revisiting past glories by jumping in the driver's seat. Nick Stahl doesn't totally convince as the savior of mankind(Eddie Furlong was umm, busy) and Linda Hamilton's absence is certainly felt, but Claire Danes is a nice addition as JC's future wife Kate Brewster.

There will always be people that say any "Terminator" film not helmed by it's cocksure creator is a vastly inferior product and they're not wrong, but "T3" deserves some respect for a wildly expensive crane chase and a bleak, dare-I-say-bold ending(Judgment Day is inevitable) that puts Connor on a clear path toward his destiny. This film took in a healthy $150 million in the summer of '03 despite the 12 year gap and Cameron's semi-retirement. Excited producers saw a new beginning, and a brand that could morph like it's shape-shifting villains into another titanic trilogy without ANY of it's original players. Not so fast...

"Get me the fuck outta here!"

"Terminator Salvation"(2009)
The future is here and the war with the machines is every bit as scary as Kyle Reese used to describe it, but only because the director of "Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle" was somehow handed the reigns of a still-viable franchise("The Sarah Connor Chronicles" got respectable ratings for Fox in '08). That has to go down as one of the early 21 Century's biggest blunders, and Christian Bale's infamous offscreen rant is more compelling than anything he did onscreen as the messianic leader of the Human Resistance. "The Dark Knight" star was duped into headling a doomed production that saw it's follow-up plans cancelled almost immediately.

"TS" plays like a dreary ripoff of "Transformers", and Michael Bay had the market cornered on rock 'em, sock 'em CGI robots("Revenge of the Fallen" took $400 million that summer). Sterile, weightless PG-13 video game-style action is all this generation knows, and the unfortunate trend briefly gave rise to hacks like McG. We should all take solace in the fact that this clown never called the shots on another big budget film and is back on the periphery of the industry where he belongs. It should be noted that James Cameron ended a long hiatus to blow our minds again with "Avatar" later that year, which also featured Sam Worthington(it didn't make him a star either). The Terminator's antiquated endoskeleton was hardly indestructible in this increasingly FX-heavy world.

"Terminator Genisys"(2015)
Skynet just won't leave the past alone and neither will Hollywood as "Thor" director Alan Taylor becomes the latest(and likely last) hired gun to stage a bastardization of the beloved benchmark. This film's altered timelines are about as appealing as the prospect of female ghostbusters, and I think I speak for all loyal fans of the property when I veto the gross mishandling of an established mythology. Arnie's aged Terminator provides some comforting familiarity in the middle of a messy narrative, but Emilia Clark's "Game of Thrones" fame doesn't mean a thing to me(I'm not a TV guy), and her one-dimensional gun-toting can't hold a candle to the genre-defying depth that Linda Hamilton brought to Cameron's classics. We care about Jai Courtney's Kyle Reese about as much as we cared about him in that other franchise killer "A Good Die to Die Hard"(way to go, Jai), and the less said about the halfway point reveal(spoiler alert!) of an evil John Connor(Jason Clark), the better.

Is "Genisys" worse than "Salvation"? It's a toss-up, but the apathetic response to both films should serve as a warning to unimaginative studio execs that can't stop hitting the reset button on towering titles from yesteryear regardless of their current relevance. It won't, and speaking of titles, couldn't they have AT LEAST spelled 'genisys' right? I know it bothered me. Most of today's popcorn flicks do. Someone get me a time machine and set it to 1984.

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Franchise Review- Back to the Future

July 31, 2015, 2:13 pm

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It's the 30th anniversary of one of my favorite movies of all time and that's something I seldom say. If I hadn't witnessed Michael J Fox skateboarding, you probably wouldn't be reading this because I don't think I would even be writing a blog about movies. "BTTF" is one of the few iconic properties to remain untouched by the belated sequel/reboot craze, and that's how it will stay according to it's creator Bob Zemeckis(his estate will reportedly block any future remake attempts).

I can't even find the right words to describe what these films have meant to me and I know I'm not alone. Marty and Doc are like old friends, and the countless internet memes that accompanied the arrival of the year 2015 reminding us of a fictional future that included flying cars, power-laces, self-drying jackets and hoverboards(which is becoming a REAL THING!!!) is a testament to the timeless appeal of their endlessly entertaining adventures. "Jaws 19"? The Bobs weren't THAT far off. It takes just one look at our current, creatively-challenged cinematic landscape to see that they just don't make 'em like this anymore.

"Back to the Future"(1985)
With all due respect to "Empire Strikes Back" and Ghostbusters", "BTTF" is THE most beloved film of the 1980s. It's already well on it's way to occupying a permanent place alongside "The Wizard of Oz" in our collective psyche, and believe it or not, the Bobs weren't even planning on a sequel. Universal basically demanded one in the wake of total box office domination, 'To Be Continued' was tacked unto the VHS release(remember those?) and an entire generation eagerly waited to see what the future looked like.

"Back to the Future Part II"(1989)
"BTTFII" feels like the last gasp of pure, unadulterated '80s cinema. It wouldn't be long before Scorsese assembled his Goodfellas and Hannibal Lecter was a household name.

"Back to the Future Part III"(1990)
The lovely, underrated Mary Steenburgen was a welcome addition as Doc's sweet schoolmarm love interest. "Part III" seems to get the "Temple of Doom"-treatment from a lot of fans which may be simply unavoidable for a series with two installments that were so wholeheartedly embraced. Even "Return of the Jedi" has it's share of detractors, so this film is in good company. It's still very much a BTTF movie.

There's a strong feeling of finality as ZZ Top's "Doubleback" blares through the end credits. This was 'THE END'

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Franchise Review- Vacation

August 21, 2015, 11:14 am

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"Vegas Vacation"(1997)

"Vacation"(2015)

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TV Sucks

September 12, 2015, 10:00 am

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Don't get offended by this article's catchy title. I don't hate TV. I'm aware that there are several quality shows that you DVR every week and that TV has grown by leaps and bounds thanks to HBO's groundbreaking original programming yada yada yada. I'm intentionally borrowing that "Seinfeld" phrase to prove that I DO have some leftover affection for the medium. This is, however a movie blog, and I'm always a little perturbed when I have to listen to a friend or family member's weak attempts to convince me of the superiority of television. Sorry, but it's NOT EVEN CLOSE. The person in question will usually cite a few lousy recent movies or excessive superhero franchising to support their argument, ignoring the dozens of good films past and present that they never even bothered to seek out. Well, here's my rebuttal- the best actors and directors will always be found in film, and that's a fact. Check out a list of the 100 greatest actors of all time and then tell me how many of them are TV actors. Actually, don't bother, I have the answer. NONE. The greatest TV actor of all time is a midlevel movie guy(RIP James Gandolfini). Brando, Nicholson, DeNiro, Pacino, Hoffman, Hackman, Hanks, Day-Lewis- all too talented to be confined to the same character for 7-10 years. Mathew McConaughey had a cup of coffee on "True Detective". TV doesn't have a Spielberg or a Scorsese and it never will. I don't have to watch "Game of Thrones", because I watched "Braveheart" and it's better. "Bates Motel"? I'll pass, I saw "Psycho". Did you? I don't even have to drag "The Godfather" or "Goodfellas" into this because "Casino" beats "The Sopranos". Here's something I've heard from TV lovers more than once- "Just wait till the third season, than it gets GOOD". So, I'm supposed to watch 40 hours of this until it gets good? Umm...no. It's either good right away, or it's NOT THAT good!

Why would you devote yourself to a lengthy TV series(or two) if you haven't seen the 300 greatest movies of all time? Do you even know what they are? How valid is your opinion on scripted entertainment if you've never sat down in front "Chinatown", "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest", "Taxi Driver" or "Apocalypse Now"? Are you REALLY in any position to judge great acting if you've haven't seen "Raging Bull" or "Sophie's Choice"? I'll bet you never even thought about watching "Reds", "The Right Stuff" or "Once Upon A Time In America". Saying that TV is better than film is like saying college basketball is better than the NBA or there's a minor league baseball team better than the Yankees or there's an amateur boxer better than Floyd Mayweather. You get the idea. There's a reason Johnny Depp couldn't wait to leave "21 Jump Street". There's a reason that Jennifer Aniston is the only one of our "Friends" that stuck around(mostly the tabloids). Have you seen any of the cast members of "Beverly Hills 90210" or "Melrose Place" lately? Me neither.

There's something slightly feminine about television. People act like they have a relationship with their favorite show. They watch it no matter what. Fuck that. A movie can give you a full experience in two hours and change and then lets you go back to your life. Movies can go places that TV shows simply can't, and that's pretty much anywhere. I'm taking aim at TV dramas here because sitcoms are a much shorter time commitment, but there's only so many hours of the day/week that most of us get to spend sitting in front of a screen. Unless you're some sports-obsessed nut(that's a whole other article), why wouldn't you spend it watching the BEST form of scripted entertainment available? Well, I hate to burst your bubble, but it's not "Desperate Housewives" or "Sons of Anarchy" or "American Horror Story" or "The Walking Dead" or whatever the next fad show is. It's a movie you've probably never heard of, made by people that were too good for TV. You can watch 456 episodes of "Law & Order", or you can watch "The Verdict" with Paul Newman and be done with it. I'm not shitting on "CSI", but admit it- you never saw "Serpico". The choice is yours.

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Star Wars 1999-2005

October 13, 2015, 8:41 am

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"Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace"(1999)

"Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones"(2002)

"Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith"(2005)

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