I've seen a lot of movies in my lifetime. That's one of the requirements to writing a blog like this, but it's not always fun and it's not always something to brag about. You have to rummage through plenty of crap to get to the really good stuff, but I would also argue that you have to SEE plenty of crap in order to appreciate the really good stuff. So, you end up seeing a lot of two star movies.
Now, a two star movie isn't the worst thing in the world(that would be a one star movie). It may have some redeeming qualities like a funny line of dialogue, or a good fight scene or an actor that you just enjoy no matter what. But it's flaws are impossible to ignore and ultimately the experience is frustratingly unsatisfying. Two star movies happen to even the best and brightest stars but hopefully they don't make a career-killing habit of it. The mediocrity is brought to you in the order of release.
"Cobra"(1986)
Even Sylvester Stallone's most devoted followers found little joy in this obvious attempt to start-up another macho franchise. The action icon tested the public's patience as a monosyllabic cop on the trail of a deadly cult.
"Bright Lights, Big City"(1988)
Michael J Fox was badly miscast as a young Manhattan writer on a drug addled downward spiral in this depressing departure from Marty McFly and Alex P Keaton.
"Jacknife"(1989)
A bearded Robert DeNiro visits one of his traumatized old Vietnam buddies(Ed Harris) in this totally forgotten drama that unsuccessfully tried to channel "The Deer Hunter". This film had potential, but the drab execution by director David Jones nullifies everything these two actors bring to the table.
"Road House"(1989)
Is this the greatest two star movie ever made? Patrick Swayze's Zen bouncer has provided untold hours of guilty pleasure for the late night channel surfer.
"Pink Cadillac"(1989)
Clint Eastwood was dangerously close to sliding into irrelevance as a bounty hunter with an attractive female target(Bernadette Peters) in this thin, overly familiar comic adventure.
"Hard To Kill"(1990)
Steven Seagal took full advantage of indiscriminate action fans in a long string of assembly line shoot-'em-ups like this one.
"Deceived"(1991)
Goldie Hawn abandoned her trademark bubbly persona for the first and last time when she learned about her husband(John Heard of "Home Alone" fame) and his dark past in this tepid thriller.
"Paradise"(1991)
This film's title was extremely misleading. Spending an hour and 51 minutes in the secluded country with Melanie Griffith, Don Johnson and Elijah Wood is anything but paradise.
"A Stranger Among Us"(1992)
As long as we're on Melanie Griffith, she wasn't believable at all as a big city cop in this "Witness" rip-off that replaces the Amish with Hasidic Jews.
"Indecent Proposal"(1993)
I know it was a hit. That doesn't exclude it from this list. I hope Robert Redford got paid more than $1 million for lowering himself by offering just that amount for Demi Moore in Adrian Lyne's ridiculous morality tale.
"Blown Away"(1994)
Why would anyone buy a ticket to watch Jeff Bridges' cop square off against Tommy Lee Jones' mad bomber when Keanu Reeves and Dennis Hopper are doing the exact same thing in much more entertaining fashion down the hall?
"The Specialist"(1994)
A 30 second shower sex scene between Sylvester Stallone and Sharon Stone is the sole highlight of this ludicrous vehicle that serves as little more than a showcase for it's two vapid leads.
"Speechless"(1994)
Michael Keaton and Geena Davis helped sink each other's careers in this romantic comedy flop that's conspicuously light on romance and comedy.
"Mars Attacks!"(1996)
Tim Burton's worst movie squanders an all-star cast with cartoonish Martians that didn't have a prayer of matching the bombastic excitement of that year's box office champ "Independence Day".
"One Fine Day"(1996)
George Clooney's charm and Michelle Pfeiffer's face couldn't save this lame romantic comedy from it's weak script and sitcom level contrivances.
"Fathers Day"(1997)
Robin Williams and Billy Crystal were both great comedians back in the day. It's amazing how few laughs there were when the two got together to find their missing son.
"Con Air"(1997)
I know, I miss the days when Nick Cage made two star movies. But that doesn't change the fact that this popular flick from his '90s heyday had every action movie cliché in the book.
"Payback"(1999)
I love watching Mel Gibson do bad-ass stuff as much as the next guy, but this may have been the exact point where it started getting a little tiresome.
"Random Hearts"(1999)
Harrison Ford and Kirstin Scott Thomas connect after discovering that their deceased spouses were having an affair in this ponderous, 2 hour and 13 minute snooze-fest.
"For Love Of The Game"(1999)
Kevin Costner and baseball once seemed to go together like peanut butter and jelly("Bull Durham", "Field of Dreams"). Then he struck out as a big league pitcher trying to save his relationship with Kelly Preston.
"Hanging Up"(2000)
Your middle-aged aunt was the only one who enjoyed this cloying confection about three sisters that found the cutesy appeal of Meg Ryan was rapidly approaching it's expiration date.
"Showtime"(2002)
There was a time when Robert DeNiro and Eddie Murphy would have made a combustible, can't-miss pairing. That was about ten or fifteen years before they both started signing off on any and every lousy project they came across.
"John Q"(2002)
A post-"Training Day" Denzel Washington jumped at the opportunity for more showy, Oscar-baiting theatrics in this absurd drama that makes an unsubtle statement about health care in America.
"Basic"(2003)
This is hardly a newsflash, but John Travolta and Samuel L Jackson are responsible for a lot of subpar material. Don't let the "Pulp Fiction" connection trick you into checking out this dull military drama.
"Anger Management"(2003)
I really shouldn't complain about an Adam Sandler movie that actually rises to the level of a two star rating, but I can complain about him dragging Jack Nicholson down to his level.
"Little Black Book"(2004)
The late Brittany Murphy was cute and likable, but she was unlikely to ever escape flimsy comedic purgatory.
"An Unfinished Life"(2005)
Jennifer Lopez was clearly trying to make a good movie for a change when she played Robert Redford's estranged daughter but this sluggish and predictable melodrama was too little, too late.
"You, Me and Dupree"(2006)
Owen Wilson's slacker extraordinaire invades the lives of Kate Hudson and Matt Dillon. They weren't the only ones begging him to move out.
"Scoop"(2006)
Scarlet Johannson was as close as Woody Allen came to finding a 21st century muse. It's a shame they had to follow-up the superior "Match Point" with this inconsequential tripe.
"Fracture"(2007)
A typically lethargic Ryan Gosling(what do chicks see in this guy?) is a lawyer defending Anthony Hopkins while he does his cerebral psychopath routine for the umpteenth time.
"Chapter 27"(2008)
I respect Jared Leto's commitment(he gained over 60 pounds for this obscure indie effort), but NOBODY was interested in a sympathetic portrayal of John Lennon's killer Mark David Chapman.
"The A-Team"(2010)
Nostalgia has it's drawbacks as Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, and everyone else involved in this hollow, poorly-produced misfire would quickly discover.
"Faster"(2010)
Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson couldn't avenge his brother's murder fast enough in this blunt, pointless exercise.
"The Tourist"(2010)
Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie seemed to be going out of their way to not have chemistry with one another in this unforgivably boring Venice-set 'thriller'.
"Green Hornet"(2011)
Seth Rogen as the masked vigilante of late '60s TV fame? Yeah, I don't know how this didn't work.
"Horrible Bosses"(2011)
The strained attempts by Jason Bateman, Charlie Day and Jason Sudiekis to kill their caricatured bosses shouldn't have been enough to produce a 2014 sequel and Jennifer Aniston has never made a good movie btw.
"Haywire"(2012)
Steve Soderbergh's direction and an appreciable supporting cast can't mask the fact that former MMA star Gina Carano is no Hollywood leading lady.
"Dredd"(2012)
Sorry, Dredd fans(if there is such a thing), but this movie sucks too and you can't blame Stallone this time.
"The Last Stand"(2013)
Oh, how I wish this really was Arnold Schwarzenegger's last stand, but the word is that the Governator has returned to 'acting' full time.
"The Family"(2013)
Let's face it, half this blog could have been devoted to DeNiro. He already spoofed his mob movie past in "Analyze This", quickly turning this into another one of his redundant paycheck 'comedies' and a failed comeback for fading beauty Michelle Pfeiffer.